wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
