Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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