My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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