once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
