Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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