Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
