Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
