do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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