i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
