I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
