Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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