he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
