I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You left your phone here
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