this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
