I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
