As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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