Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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