i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
where are my eyebrows?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
