I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
