PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I supernannyed him into submission
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
