I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
