There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize