at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
