with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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