Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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