I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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