Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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