Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
