Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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