You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
