So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We are two peas in an std pod
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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