He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
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