True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
