i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
