making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i out mim tonsoeep
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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