so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
