I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
