She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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