At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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