wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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