whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
