I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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