I think my vagina is haunted
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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