She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
