I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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