I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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