Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
