Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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