they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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