Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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