My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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