She is in my trunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
