Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
