please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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