wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
