It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
