i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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