Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
