If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
