At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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