I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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