also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
