I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
