you guys were way drunker than both of me
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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