Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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