He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
