marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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