i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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