I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
