Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
