Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
