she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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