you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
